Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
