New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
