I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
