How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
