Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
