just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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