Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
