Buhtt sex?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
