Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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