my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
