I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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