well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
