I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
