She is in my trunk
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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