ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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