dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
