How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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