she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
