What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
