My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
