he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
