Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
