I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
