i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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