I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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