Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
