I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
