well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
