Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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