I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
