Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
