yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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