i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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