I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
