but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
