We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
