What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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