K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I can text with my tongue
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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