Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
