ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
