I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
