I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
