i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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