I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
