did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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