I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
So apparently I’m into choking now
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