God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
