um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
