we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
