After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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