the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
