i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
