She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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