Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
