my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
