peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
