brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
