Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
